Christmas Eve

 

It's Christmas Eve. Home Alone is on the TV, egg nog is in my glass, the tree is sparkling, and the Santa Norad website is up on my laptop. 

Does anyone else start to feel the slightest bit giddy, watching Santa dart around the world on 3-D Google Earth? Anyone else feel that tingle of magic in their chest?  

It's a beautiful night. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, and my best wishes go to those who don't. I hope each and every one of you is having a beautiful evening surrounded by the ones that you love. 

P.S. That is my beautiful kitty, Saju, underneath the Christmas Tree. He just likes to go back there to sit and stare out at the room, there was no posing involved whatsoever. He'd like to say Merry Christmas, too. And, if you could, would you please pass him some of whatever you're eating? 

My December

This is my December

These are my snow covered trees

This is me pretending this is all I need.

This is my December

This is my snow covered home

This is my December, this is me alone

And I wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed...

December, December. Typically a month for introspection and evaluation, this month has hit me like a hurricane. I can honestly say that I don't really remember much of the month, I've just been pulled apart at the seams by one thing or another. I had some family drama that involved my aunt calling me out of my name on Facebook, which in turn caused additional turmoil as my family jumped up to take sides. Through it all, the comforting words offered by my caring friends and family have been, "we love you just the way you are. If you're happy, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. The rest don't matter."

Which of course, is very sage and wise advice. 

Except, of course, if you have a deep, dark secret that maybe, just maybe, there was an element of truth in someone else's cruel words. 

So, I ask myself, am I happy? Can I answer to myself and proudly say that this is who I am, and defend every one of my life choices? And if the answer is no, then why the hell haven't I stood up to do anything about it? 

The answer is, no, I'm not. This blog has been about my journey to find myself on healthy, fulfilled ground. Don't get me wrong, I've made plenty of changes that I'm truly proud of. But I also have noticed that I tend to make an awful lot of excuses for myself. And believe me, I should have been a lawyer, because I can justify anything. 

I expect big changes in my life, but I tend to just skirt around the edge of the pool. I want a big payout from minimal effort (and yes, before you ask, I am American), and then get discouraged when I don't see results. 

I've spent a month blogging privately (sorry, guys, you would have been really confused and lost by what you read), and doing some solid introspection on how I'm living my life. The overwhelming theme is this: 

I have amazing values and ideals. I fail at acting on those beliefs. 

I want to believe that I'm better than that. I want to BE better than that. And the only one who has any control over that is me.

For the better part of the past year, I have been toying with going vegetarian and vegan. I've been purchasing substitutes for a lot of the things I eat on a daily basis, and have been trying to make better eating choices. Beginning in January (because I have too many family meals and events in December that would be way to tempting for my newfound resolve), I will be going vegan. 

I'm making this choice for a variety of reasons. My health is a primary concern. I've been researching what meat and dairy can do to the human body, and what repeated amounts of ingested hormones can do. I went vegan for a week, which is next to no time, but even in that amount, I felt the changes. I felt healthier, lighter, I slept better, I had more energy, and I was in a better mood. I stopped after a week because, well, it's more expensive to eat vegan, frankly. And you have to prep all your food in advance, which means I have to plan. I'll just be honest, I'm too lazy. It's time for me to whip my own ass into shape, literally. 

I'm also doing this for the animal kingdom. I know the truth behind what happens on most farms, the atrocities that are committed. Even on the "humane" farms. You know them, too, so I'll spare you hearing them again. If you're interested, I can point you in the direction of several books and investigative reports. I know I'm just one woman, and though I like to think of myself as a powerhouse, I'm not a one-girl-revolution. My choices are not going to effect the massive production of the meat-producing machine. But, it will allow my own conscience to rest a little easier, knowing that I'm doing the best that I can to force some change. I'm just one girl, but I'm not the only one. Again, I have strong beliefs, I just fail at acting on them. This is my action. 

I've set aside a collection of books I've been reading, and I've even been stocking up on vegan cookbooks...holy heck there are A LOT of them out there! Things I didn't even know could be delicious AND vegan have whole COOKBOOKS dedicated to them! Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World, Vegan Cookies Invade your Cookie Jar, Vegan Soul Kitchen (Soul Food) , just to name a few. Vegan recipes have become my new obsession, and I'm super excited to put them to good use. 

I've been slowly transitioning to vegan for a few weeks. Making the mental switch, consciously noting every non-vegan food that I eat, finding an acceptable substitute or alternative...and saying goodbye to some favorites that are just not going to be around for me any longer. In a little more than a week, I'm going to be making the plunge for good...and I'll be blogging about it the entire way. 

 

Straight No Chaser

If you've been anywhere around me for the past several years, you've probably heard me gushing over my boys, Straight No Chaser. Okay, okay, they're not MY boys, but...a girl can dream, can't she? I mean, they DO sing me to sleep every night and keep me entertained on long, boring days at work...



Well...I ACTUALLY GOT TO MEET THEM LAST NIGHT! And, unlike most celebrities I've met, I love them all even more!

Okay, okay, I'll back up a little. See, I heard that they were coming to town in December way back in July. I knew I really, really wanted to go. They've been around before, but one thing has always led to another, and I have never been able to go. I tried to request the day off of work, and it was a no-go, too many people already had it off. So, I didn't buy tickets.

When schedules came out at work, I had a full 8 hour day...great...ending at 11, when the concert starts at 7:30...even better. NO one ever wants to take a full 8 hour shift, let alone one that ends so late at night, so I knew I was going to be out of luck with the shift trade option. Nonetheless, I posted my shift anyway, keeping hope alive.

Days passed. Tickets kept selling. No one was picking up my shift.

I knew better than to buy tickets if I wasn't sure I'd be able to go, so I kept waiting. It killed me, knowing that all that was standing between me and seeing the group I adore was a few hours of work. People kept offering to take part of my shift, but I couldn't get the whole thing covered, so I had to keep turning them down. I considered calling in sick - I mean, SNC would be worth it, wouldn't they?

Three days ago, I resigned myself to not being able to go. I shed a few tears - yes, I did, I am not ashamed.

Two days ago, a miracle happened. I got a random request from a girl I never speak to. She wanted my whole shift. In disbelief, I asked if she was serious. She said yes. Still not willing to get my hopes up, I asked if she wanted the whole thing. She said yes.

I think my freak-out may have scared her.

I gave her my shift then got on the line to the roomie telling her to BUY TICKETS, NOW!!!

We got the last two seats in the house. All the way in the back of the second balcony. Last two seats on the end in the far corner. Literally. The last two seats.

...was that meant to be, or what?!?

The concert was absolutely amazing. I can't explain what it is about this group. For those that don't know, they're an a capella men's chorus that met about 15 years ago when they were all in college. They sang in college, then all parted and went their seperate ways and became bankers, lawyers, dads...you know the drill. About 3 years ago, someone leaked to youtube a video of them singing back in college. It was one of those "aw, remember us when?" things. The video went viral, I mean, everyone saw it. You probably did, too. And record companies started calling.

So now, 10 college guys have gotten back together in the ultimate "this only happens if fairy tales" kind of way, and they're on tour. I mean, BIG tours. They've got 3 albums out, had an extended run as headliners in Atlantic City, and have spend the past 6 months on tour in the US. Next week, they go to Europe.

I mean, isn't that almost enough for you to believe in miracles? And the thing is, they CAN SING. When you're a capella, there is NO faking it. You either have it, or you don't. And they...they definitely do.

And last night was my OWN little fairy tale. Not only did I get to go to the concert, but I got to MEET ALL OF THE GUYS after the show! It was absolutely wonderful, the most perfect night a girl could ask for.

Okay, now that I'm done publicly gushing all over my blog, I'm going to go to work. And listen to SNC. And smile.