My life could have turned out much differently.
I had an interesting childhood. There was some abuse there that I don't speak of but it still haunts my life. I also often thought my parents would be much happier if they just got a divorce and got it over with. Life wasn't easy, and I would certainly not go back and relive my early years.
However, I like to think that struggles are what make a person. I know what I will look for in a husband, and what personality traits I cannot let near me or my children. I know now that violence and fear are not a part of everyone's childhood, though it took me until my college years to realize the extent of my damage. I'm a stronger person because of what I've lived through, and despite everything, I like to think I've turned out to be a relatively normal, functional adult. I have close friends, a stable job, a steady income, I manage time and money well, and I don't have any serious habits or addictions. (Unless you count my caffeine habit, and I don't.) And I do know that my childhood was a cakewalk compared to countless others, and I have many, many things to be grateful for.
That said, things could have turned out very differently for me.
Last night, I got a look at the other side of what could be. I saw children locked behind cell doors, literally screaming for attention. I saw children, some as young as 9, wearing jumpsuits and living in small rooms awaiting trial for charges ranging from possession to murder. Children whose lives are structured down to the very minute. My guide told me some of their stories, but I didn't need to hear them. These are the children my textbooks told me about, the faces behind the cautionary tales.
I walked down hallways of an abandoned wing of the facility. It was cold and dark. Those walls were talking, because I damn sure could hear them. This wing was used not too long ago, certainly during my lifetime, during a time when the juvenile courts were overflowing with young offenders adjudicated of crimes, (children are not "convicted", they are "adjudicated"), there were not enough corrections officers, and the system didn't know what to do with them all.
You can imagine the horror stories I heard from my guide; stories of what happens when you take four angry youth and leave them unsupervised, however momentarily.
The juvenile justice system in America is undergoing many important reforms. Conditions are much better for children in the justice system, tremendously better than they were 10-15 years ago. Programs and follow-ups are becoming much more important as we realize that not all of these children are lost causes. We're making progress with the ways we approach crimes committed by children, the structure and benefits of confinement, and the ways in which we can prepare them for straight life on the outside.
They may have committed very grown up crimes, but they are still children. Their stories are not that different than many of ours. They weren't born "bad"; their lives were influenced by sources like family and environment. Somewhere along the way, a line was crossed and life became very different for these kids.
There, but for the grace of whatever higher power you believe in, go many of us. What changed? What was different? Where was that turn made and how did I somehow choose the "right" fork in the road? Why them? Why not me?
These questions are haunting me today, and will for a long time to come.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
What Might Have Been
My life could have turned out much differently.
I had an interesting childhood. There was some abuse there that I don't speak of but it still haunts my life. I also often thought my parents would be much happier if they just got a divorce and got it over with. Life wasn't easy, and I would certainly not go back and relive my early years.
However, I like to think that struggles are what make a person. I know what I will look for in a husband, and what personality traits I cannot let near me or my children. I know now that violence and fear are not a part of everyone's childhood, though it took me until my college years to realize the extent of my damage. I'm a stronger person because of what I've lived through, and despite everything, I like to think I've turned out to be a relatively normal, functional adult. I have close friends, a stable job, a steady income, I manage time and money well, and I don't have any serious habits or addictions. (Unless you count my caffeine habit, and I don't.) And I do know that my childhood was a cakewalk compared to countless others, and I have many, many things to be grateful for.
That said, things could have turned out very differently for me.
Last night, I got a look at the other side of what could be. I saw children locked behind cell doors, literally screaming for attention. I saw children, some as young as 9, wearing jumpsuits and living in small rooms awaiting trial for charges ranging from possession to murder. Children whose lives are structured down to the very minute. My guide told me some of their stories, but I didn't need to hear them. These are the children my textbooks told me about, the faces behind the cautionary tales.
I walked down hallways of an abandoned wing of the facility. It was cold and dark. Those walls were talking, because I damn sure could hear them. This wing was used not too long ago, certainly during my lifetime, during a time when the juvenile courts were overflowing with young offenders adjudicated of crimes, (children are not "convicted", they are "adjudicated"), there were not enough corrections officers, and the system didn't know what to do with them all.
You can imagine the horror stories I heard from my guide; stories of what happens when you take four angry youth and leave them unsupervised, however momentarily.
The juvenile justice system in America is undergoing many important reforms. Conditions are much better for children in the justice system, tremendously better than they were 10-15 years ago. Programs and follow-ups are becoming much more important as we realize that not all of these children are lost causes. We're making progress with the ways we approach crimes committed by children, the structure and benefits of confinement, and the ways in which we can prepare them for straight life on the outside.
They may have committed very grown up crimes, but they are still children. Their stories are not that different than many of ours. They weren't born "bad"; their lives were influenced by sources like family and environment. Somewhere along the way, a line was crossed and life became very different for these kids.
There, but for the grace of whatever higher power you believe in, go many of us. What changed? What was different? Where was that turn made and how did I somehow choose the "right" fork in the road? Why them? Why not me?
These questions are haunting me today, and will for a long time to come.
I had an interesting childhood. There was some abuse there that I don't speak of but it still haunts my life. I also often thought my parents would be much happier if they just got a divorce and got it over with. Life wasn't easy, and I would certainly not go back and relive my early years.
However, I like to think that struggles are what make a person. I know what I will look for in a husband, and what personality traits I cannot let near me or my children. I know now that violence and fear are not a part of everyone's childhood, though it took me until my college years to realize the extent of my damage. I'm a stronger person because of what I've lived through, and despite everything, I like to think I've turned out to be a relatively normal, functional adult. I have close friends, a stable job, a steady income, I manage time and money well, and I don't have any serious habits or addictions. (Unless you count my caffeine habit, and I don't.) And I do know that my childhood was a cakewalk compared to countless others, and I have many, many things to be grateful for.
That said, things could have turned out very differently for me.
Last night, I got a look at the other side of what could be. I saw children locked behind cell doors, literally screaming for attention. I saw children, some as young as 9, wearing jumpsuits and living in small rooms awaiting trial for charges ranging from possession to murder. Children whose lives are structured down to the very minute. My guide told me some of their stories, but I didn't need to hear them. These are the children my textbooks told me about, the faces behind the cautionary tales.
I walked down hallways of an abandoned wing of the facility. It was cold and dark. Those walls were talking, because I damn sure could hear them. This wing was used not too long ago, certainly during my lifetime, during a time when the juvenile courts were overflowing with young offenders adjudicated of crimes, (children are not "convicted", they are "adjudicated"), there were not enough corrections officers, and the system didn't know what to do with them all.
You can imagine the horror stories I heard from my guide; stories of what happens when you take four angry youth and leave them unsupervised, however momentarily.
The juvenile justice system in America is undergoing many important reforms. Conditions are much better for children in the justice system, tremendously better than they were 10-15 years ago. Programs and follow-ups are becoming much more important as we realize that not all of these children are lost causes. We're making progress with the ways we approach crimes committed by children, the structure and benefits of confinement, and the ways in which we can prepare them for straight life on the outside.
They may have committed very grown up crimes, but they are still children. Their stories are not that different than many of ours. They weren't born "bad"; their lives were influenced by sources like family and environment. Somewhere along the way, a line was crossed and life became very different for these kids.
There, but for the grace of whatever higher power you believe in, go many of us. What changed? What was different? Where was that turn made and how did I somehow choose the "right" fork in the road? Why them? Why not me?
These questions are haunting me today, and will for a long time to come.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Starfish
Starfish or Sand Dollar?
Liz: If you were a fish, what kind of fish would you be?
Me: A Starfish.
Liz: A STARFISH?
Me: Well, what did you expect me to say?
Liz: Well, I'd be a sand dollar.
Me: A sand dollar? Why would you be a sand dollar?
Liz: So we could be pulled out of the ocean and dried out together.
Ah, the meaning of friendship.
Liz: If you were a fish, what kind of fish would you be?
Me: A Starfish.
Liz: A STARFISH?
Me: Well, what did you expect me to say?
Liz: Well, I'd be a sand dollar.
Me: A sand dollar? Why would you be a sand dollar?
Liz: So we could be pulled out of the ocean and dried out together.
Ah, the meaning of friendship.
Starfish
Starfish or Sand Dollar?
Liz: If you were a fish, what kind of fish would you be?
Me: A Starfish.
Liz: A STARFISH?
Me: Well, what did you expect me to say?
Liz: Well, I'd be a sand dollar.
Me: A sand dollar? Why would you be a sand dollar?
Liz: So we could be pulled out of the ocean and dried out together.
Ah, the meaning of friendship.
Liz: If you were a fish, what kind of fish would you be?
Me: A Starfish.
Liz: A STARFISH?
Me: Well, what did you expect me to say?
Liz: Well, I'd be a sand dollar.
Me: A sand dollar? Why would you be a sand dollar?
Liz: So we could be pulled out of the ocean and dried out together.
Ah, the meaning of friendship.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Crazy World...
What a crazy world in which we play.
Someday, we're going to have to explain this whole "Myspace" thing to our children and grandchildren, and they're going to look at us with the same incredulous expression that we give our parents when we see that old photo with the bell bottoms and Farrah Fawcett hair.
"Why, oh why, would you do THAT?"
Seriously. Think about it. If your significant other doesn't have you as the first person in their Top Friends, it's a serious offense, isn't it? Forgetting to change your Relationship Status when entering or leaving a Relationship leaves others questioning whether or not you're really committed to your action.
Myspace has become a part of our personal identity, and a source of cultural validation. How often do you see bulletins requesting Photo or Journal comments? Why do we track the visits to our pages so closely? Because we put ourselves out there, and if no one is watching, we begin to question our worth, and worse, our friendships. When we notice that we are no longer present on a Friend's list, don't we wonder why?
I say all this with a grain of salt, because I am as addicted to the myspace community as the next person. I recently was a part of an argument solely centered on the fact that, in the shuffle to add family into my Top Friends, one of my nearest and dearest (no sarcasm intended) was shuffled to Ordinary Friend status. Shortly before, I had a heated debate about the presence of my ex-boyfriend's picture on a family member's page. Last year, I received a hostile email from a friend who was angry that I hadn't made an appearance on their page in awhile. We place so much stock in an online community, we're willing to end friendships based on what someone did, or what they forgot to do, on our pages.
Did you know that it's legal to hire, or not hire, based on your myspace page? Last year, a woman was a front-runner for a job at a major corporation…until the recruiter Googled her name (and don't get me started on the cultural takeover that is Google), and found the candidates myspace page. Which happened to contain information which did not portray the candidate in a legally pleasing light. It would have been a PR nightmare to hire her, so the recruiter didn't. The candidate sued, and the judge threw out the case, saying that what you put on the internet is public property.
How many charges have been pressed recently because someone was stupid enough to post pictures, video, or a journal entry regarding the crime? I can think of 3, off hand.
http://www.komotv.com/news/6985522.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/tech/6249976.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/national/5372286.html
There are more, but I'm not willing to Google them.
Someday, we're going to be watching VH1s "I Love the 00's!" and listening to Kathy Griffin, Hal Sparks, and Wayne Brady commenting on the Myspace insanity. And our kids are going to turn around and look at us and ask us what the hell we were thinking.
We'll laugh, and shake our heads, and pretend we don't still remember the nickname of everyone in our Top 8 Friends.
Someday, we're going to have to explain this whole "Myspace" thing to our children and grandchildren, and they're going to look at us with the same incredulous expression that we give our parents when we see that old photo with the bell bottoms and Farrah Fawcett hair.
"Why, oh why, would you do THAT?"
Seriously. Think about it. If your significant other doesn't have you as the first person in their Top Friends, it's a serious offense, isn't it? Forgetting to change your Relationship Status when entering or leaving a Relationship leaves others questioning whether or not you're really committed to your action.
Myspace has become a part of our personal identity, and a source of cultural validation. How often do you see bulletins requesting Photo or Journal comments? Why do we track the visits to our pages so closely? Because we put ourselves out there, and if no one is watching, we begin to question our worth, and worse, our friendships. When we notice that we are no longer present on a Friend's list, don't we wonder why?
I say all this with a grain of salt, because I am as addicted to the myspace community as the next person. I recently was a part of an argument solely centered on the fact that, in the shuffle to add family into my Top Friends, one of my nearest and dearest (no sarcasm intended) was shuffled to Ordinary Friend status. Shortly before, I had a heated debate about the presence of my ex-boyfriend's picture on a family member's page. Last year, I received a hostile email from a friend who was angry that I hadn't made an appearance on their page in awhile. We place so much stock in an online community, we're willing to end friendships based on what someone did, or what they forgot to do, on our pages.
Did you know that it's legal to hire, or not hire, based on your myspace page? Last year, a woman was a front-runner for a job at a major corporation…until the recruiter Googled her name (and don't get me started on the cultural takeover that is Google), and found the candidates myspace page. Which happened to contain information which did not portray the candidate in a legally pleasing light. It would have been a PR nightmare to hire her, so the recruiter didn't. The candidate sued, and the judge threw out the case, saying that what you put on the internet is public property.
How many charges have been pressed recently because someone was stupid enough to post pictures, video, or a journal entry regarding the crime? I can think of 3, off hand.
http://www.komotv.com/news/6985522.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/tech/6249976.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/national/5372286.html
There are more, but I'm not willing to Google them.
Someday, we're going to be watching VH1s "I Love the 00's!" and listening to Kathy Griffin, Hal Sparks, and Wayne Brady commenting on the Myspace insanity. And our kids are going to turn around and look at us and ask us what the hell we were thinking.
We'll laugh, and shake our heads, and pretend we don't still remember the nickname of everyone in our Top 8 Friends.
Crazy World...
What a crazy world in which we play.
Someday, we're going to have to explain this whole "Myspace" thing to our children and grandchildren, and they're going to look at us with the same incredulous expression that we give our parents when we see that old photo with the bell bottoms and Farrah Fawcett hair.
"Why, oh why, would you do THAT?"
Seriously. Think about it. If your significant other doesn't have you as the first person in their Top Friends, it's a serious offense, isn't it? Forgetting to change your Relationship Status when entering or leaving a Relationship leaves others questioning whether or not you're really committed to your action.
Myspace has become a part of our personal identity, and a source of cultural validation. How often do you see bulletins requesting Photo or Journal comments? Why do we track the visits to our pages so closely? Because we put ourselves out there, and if no one is watching, we begin to question our worth, and worse, our friendships. When we notice that we are no longer present on a Friend's list, don't we wonder why?
I say all this with a grain of salt, because I am as addicted to the myspace community as the next person. I recently was a part of an argument solely centered on the fact that, in the shuffle to add family into my Top Friends, one of my nearest and dearest (no sarcasm intended) was shuffled to Ordinary Friend status. Shortly before, I had a heated debate about the presence of my ex-boyfriend's picture on a family member's page. Last year, I received a hostile email from a friend who was angry that I hadn't made an appearance on their page in awhile. We place so much stock in an online community, we're willing to end friendships based on what someone did, or what they forgot to do, on our pages.
Did you know that it's legal to hire, or not hire, based on your myspace page? Last year, a woman was a front-runner for a job at a major corporation…until the recruiter Googled her name (and don't get me started on the cultural takeover that is Google), and found the candidates myspace page. Which happened to contain information which did not portray the candidate in a legally pleasing light. It would have been a PR nightmare to hire her, so the recruiter didn't. The candidate sued, and the judge threw out the case, saying that what you put on the internet is public property.
How many charges have been pressed recently because someone was stupid enough to post pictures, video, or a journal entry regarding the crime? I can think of 3, off hand.
http://www.komotv.com/news/6985522.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/tech/6249976.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/national/5372286.html
There are more, but I'm not willing to Google them.
Someday, we're going to be watching VH1s "I Love the 00's!" and listening to Kathy Griffin, Hal Sparks, and Wayne Brady commenting on the Myspace insanity. And our kids are going to turn around and look at us and ask us what the hell we were thinking.
We'll laugh, and shake our heads, and pretend we don't still remember the nickname of everyone in our Top 8 Friends.
Someday, we're going to have to explain this whole "Myspace" thing to our children and grandchildren, and they're going to look at us with the same incredulous expression that we give our parents when we see that old photo with the bell bottoms and Farrah Fawcett hair.
"Why, oh why, would you do THAT?"
Seriously. Think about it. If your significant other doesn't have you as the first person in their Top Friends, it's a serious offense, isn't it? Forgetting to change your Relationship Status when entering or leaving a Relationship leaves others questioning whether or not you're really committed to your action.
Myspace has become a part of our personal identity, and a source of cultural validation. How often do you see bulletins requesting Photo or Journal comments? Why do we track the visits to our pages so closely? Because we put ourselves out there, and if no one is watching, we begin to question our worth, and worse, our friendships. When we notice that we are no longer present on a Friend's list, don't we wonder why?
I say all this with a grain of salt, because I am as addicted to the myspace community as the next person. I recently was a part of an argument solely centered on the fact that, in the shuffle to add family into my Top Friends, one of my nearest and dearest (no sarcasm intended) was shuffled to Ordinary Friend status. Shortly before, I had a heated debate about the presence of my ex-boyfriend's picture on a family member's page. Last year, I received a hostile email from a friend who was angry that I hadn't made an appearance on their page in awhile. We place so much stock in an online community, we're willing to end friendships based on what someone did, or what they forgot to do, on our pages.
Did you know that it's legal to hire, or not hire, based on your myspace page? Last year, a woman was a front-runner for a job at a major corporation…until the recruiter Googled her name (and don't get me started on the cultural takeover that is Google), and found the candidates myspace page. Which happened to contain information which did not portray the candidate in a legally pleasing light. It would have been a PR nightmare to hire her, so the recruiter didn't. The candidate sued, and the judge threw out the case, saying that what you put on the internet is public property.
How many charges have been pressed recently because someone was stupid enough to post pictures, video, or a journal entry regarding the crime? I can think of 3, off hand.
http://www.komotv.com/news/6985522.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/tech/6249976.html
http://www.komotv.com/news/national/5372286.html
There are more, but I'm not willing to Google them.
Someday, we're going to be watching VH1s "I Love the 00's!" and listening to Kathy Griffin, Hal Sparks, and Wayne Brady commenting on the Myspace insanity. And our kids are going to turn around and look at us and ask us what the hell we were thinking.
We'll laugh, and shake our heads, and pretend we don't still remember the nickname of everyone in our Top 8 Friends.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
This Is Romance To Me
You're so vain.
You probably think this post is about you.
It's the little things. The silly things. But they matter the most. After listening to my friends debating about what they want and need from a relationship, (both men and women), I have a couple of things to say from the female perspective.
Listen, you don't have to buy me jewelry or bring me flowers every time we meet. I don't need someone to pay my bills. I don't expect a guy to complete me. I'm not looking for a free ride. I've been taking care of myself for the better part of three decades, and I know I've had some bumps in the road, but I'm doing alright.
It's not about the things you buy for me. It's the little things that don't cost anything that mean the most.
Give me a guy who will open a door for me when my hands are full. Who sees me stumbling exhausted through the office door and automatically places a cup of coffee in my hand. Who burns me a CD of a band I "just have to hear" because he knows my taste in music. Who sits down on the sofa with a pint of ice cream and two spoons after a difficult day of work. Who knows that sometimes, there's just nothing else to say to me, and silence isn't something to be feared. Who understands that sometimes, I need to be upset, and he'll just let me get it out of my system. It doesn't mean we're fighting, or that something is wrong with me, or that (heaven forbid) it's "that time". Who'll send me a text message randomly just to say he's thinking about me. Who understands that I could be making more money than I am right now, but I really like my job, and I think the smaller paycheck is worth waking up in the morning and not wanting to call in sick. Who'll throw a ball for my dog as many times as she wants to, and not make a face at the slobber she leaves behind. Who will ride the swings with me at midnight, and isn't afraid to act like a kid again.
I want someone who doesn't feel threatened by my education or my aspirations. Give me a guy who can engage in intelligent debate and lets me make a complete point before countering it. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say. I don't expect him to always take my side an argument I'm having with someone else, but I expect him to at least listen to my point of view.
I'm not asking for every minute of his day. I don't expect a phone call the instant he gets off of work. I don't expect hourly check-ins when he goes out with his boys. I know I can trust him to look and not touch. He's never given me a reason not to.
It's the little things that you do. The small ways of saying "I know we've been in this relationship for awhile, and I'm guaranteed to get laid now, but I'm not going to take you for granted. I'm still willing to work for it. You're worthy of the effort".
This is romance to me. The small things that make the big things worth it.
You probably think this post is about you.
It's the little things. The silly things. But they matter the most. After listening to my friends debating about what they want and need from a relationship, (both men and women), I have a couple of things to say from the female perspective.
Listen, you don't have to buy me jewelry or bring me flowers every time we meet. I don't need someone to pay my bills. I don't expect a guy to complete me. I'm not looking for a free ride. I've been taking care of myself for the better part of three decades, and I know I've had some bumps in the road, but I'm doing alright.
It's not about the things you buy for me. It's the little things that don't cost anything that mean the most.
Give me a guy who will open a door for me when my hands are full. Who sees me stumbling exhausted through the office door and automatically places a cup of coffee in my hand. Who burns me a CD of a band I "just have to hear" because he knows my taste in music. Who sits down on the sofa with a pint of ice cream and two spoons after a difficult day of work. Who knows that sometimes, there's just nothing else to say to me, and silence isn't something to be feared. Who understands that sometimes, I need to be upset, and he'll just let me get it out of my system. It doesn't mean we're fighting, or that something is wrong with me, or that (heaven forbid) it's "that time". Who'll send me a text message randomly just to say he's thinking about me. Who understands that I could be making more money than I am right now, but I really like my job, and I think the smaller paycheck is worth waking up in the morning and not wanting to call in sick. Who'll throw a ball for my dog as many times as she wants to, and not make a face at the slobber she leaves behind. Who will ride the swings with me at midnight, and isn't afraid to act like a kid again.
I want someone who doesn't feel threatened by my education or my aspirations. Give me a guy who can engage in intelligent debate and lets me make a complete point before countering it. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say. I don't expect him to always take my side an argument I'm having with someone else, but I expect him to at least listen to my point of view.
I'm not asking for every minute of his day. I don't expect a phone call the instant he gets off of work. I don't expect hourly check-ins when he goes out with his boys. I know I can trust him to look and not touch. He's never given me a reason not to.
It's the little things that you do. The small ways of saying "I know we've been in this relationship for awhile, and I'm guaranteed to get laid now, but I'm not going to take you for granted. I'm still willing to work for it. You're worthy of the effort".
This is romance to me. The small things that make the big things worth it.
This Is Romance To Me
You're so vain.
You probably think this post is about you.
It's the little things. The silly things. But they matter the most. After listening to my friends debating about what they want and need from a relationship, (both men and women), I have a couple of things to say from the female perspective.
Listen, you don't have to buy me jewelry or bring me flowers every time we meet. I don't need someone to pay my bills. I don't expect a guy to complete me. I'm not looking for a free ride. I've been taking care of myself for the better part of three decades, and I know I've had some bumps in the road, but I'm doing alright.
It's not about the things you buy for me. It's the little things that don't cost anything that mean the most.
Give me a guy who will open a door for me when my hands are full. Who sees me stumbling exhausted through the office door and automatically places a cup of coffee in my hand. Who burns me a CD of a band I "just have to hear" because he knows my taste in music. Who sits down on the sofa with a pint of ice cream and two spoons after a difficult day of work. Who knows that sometimes, there's just nothing else to say to me, and silence isn't something to be feared. Who understands that sometimes, I need to be upset, and he'll just let me get it out of my system. It doesn't mean we're fighting, or that something is wrong with me, or that (heaven forbid) it's "that time". Who'll send me a text message randomly just to say he's thinking about me. Who understands that I could be making more money than I am right now, but I really like my job, and I think the smaller paycheck is worth waking up in the morning and not wanting to call in sick. Who'll throw a ball for my dog as many times as she wants to, and not make a face at the slobber she leaves behind. Who will ride the swings with me at midnight, and isn't afraid to act like a kid again.
I want someone who doesn't feel threatened by my education or my aspirations. Give me a guy who can engage in intelligent debate and lets me make a complete point before countering it. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say. I don't expect him to always take my side an argument I'm having with someone else, but I expect him to at least listen to my point of view.
I'm not asking for every minute of his day. I don't expect a phone call the instant he gets off of work. I don't expect hourly check-ins when he goes out with his boys. I know I can trust him to look and not touch. He's never given me a reason not to.
It's the little things that you do. The small ways of saying "I know we've been in this relationship for awhile, and I'm guaranteed to get laid now, but I'm not going to take you for granted. I'm still willing to work for it. You're worthy of the effort".
This is romance to me. The small things that make the big things worth it.
You probably think this post is about you.
It's the little things. The silly things. But they matter the most. After listening to my friends debating about what they want and need from a relationship, (both men and women), I have a couple of things to say from the female perspective.
Listen, you don't have to buy me jewelry or bring me flowers every time we meet. I don't need someone to pay my bills. I don't expect a guy to complete me. I'm not looking for a free ride. I've been taking care of myself for the better part of three decades, and I know I've had some bumps in the road, but I'm doing alright.
It's not about the things you buy for me. It's the little things that don't cost anything that mean the most.
Give me a guy who will open a door for me when my hands are full. Who sees me stumbling exhausted through the office door and automatically places a cup of coffee in my hand. Who burns me a CD of a band I "just have to hear" because he knows my taste in music. Who sits down on the sofa with a pint of ice cream and two spoons after a difficult day of work. Who knows that sometimes, there's just nothing else to say to me, and silence isn't something to be feared. Who understands that sometimes, I need to be upset, and he'll just let me get it out of my system. It doesn't mean we're fighting, or that something is wrong with me, or that (heaven forbid) it's "that time". Who'll send me a text message randomly just to say he's thinking about me. Who understands that I could be making more money than I am right now, but I really like my job, and I think the smaller paycheck is worth waking up in the morning and not wanting to call in sick. Who'll throw a ball for my dog as many times as she wants to, and not make a face at the slobber she leaves behind. Who will ride the swings with me at midnight, and isn't afraid to act like a kid again.
I want someone who doesn't feel threatened by my education or my aspirations. Give me a guy who can engage in intelligent debate and lets me make a complete point before countering it. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say. I don't expect him to always take my side an argument I'm having with someone else, but I expect him to at least listen to my point of view.
I'm not asking for every minute of his day. I don't expect a phone call the instant he gets off of work. I don't expect hourly check-ins when he goes out with his boys. I know I can trust him to look and not touch. He's never given me a reason not to.
It's the little things that you do. The small ways of saying "I know we've been in this relationship for awhile, and I'm guaranteed to get laid now, but I'm not going to take you for granted. I'm still willing to work for it. You're worthy of the effort".
This is romance to me. The small things that make the big things worth it.
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